Gratitude

Lately I've been trying to focus on gratitude and honoring where I'm at in the current moment. Rather than feeling frustrated that everything I want isn't just magically coming to fruition right freaking now, I find its more constructive for my own personal health (emotional, mental) to just be present. For me, part of being present means to have gratitude for the things in my life that sustain me, inspire me, heal me, move me forward, etc.

In a city like New York, it's too easy to get impatient.  Everyone is busting their asses constantly (often just to scrape by), while we all hold these big dreams in our hearts, and want desperately to get there, like, NOW. But that kind of myopic entitlement is dangerous, as it fosters a self-absorption that obscures the larger forces at play. We can't afford to be so clueless, to lose empathy towards others and their own struggles, to lose that sense of self-awareness that helps us become more thoughtful people whose lives are full of different kinds of love.

We left Philly just over two years ago, and this time of year also marks two years from when we embarked on our two-and-a-half-month adventure through Europe. My partner and I have been in NYC for about a year and three months now.

Just in the past two months or so, I'm finally feeling like I'm getting more of what I want out of living in NYC. It's been a great experience the whole time we've been here, no doubt. It's opened up my world in every way, given me space to heal and let go to a lot of what I held onto for way too long, etc. However building a new life in a new city just takes time and work. (duh)

After nine years in Philly, nine years of being part of very close-knit communities, I've been hesitant to do the same in NYC. While community is vital in so many ways, it can also be stifling and paralyzing. I've been working on building friendships with people I feel genuine connection to and piecing together my own network of fellow fighters and lovers and creators.

This nice sense of comfort and NYC-savvy is finally settling in. I no longer feel like the clueless new kid (well not all the time anyway). I'm participating in awesome and inspiring events like queer art auctions and cabarets and the ballet and bar bingo and author events and brunch potlucks and all that. I'm surrounded by creativity and passion and people who are trying so fucking hard not to be too scared to make the art they truly want to make. I'm forming bonds with people that set my heart and my brain ablaze and challenge me and push me in the most crucial ways. 

I feel grateful for being in this time and place, and that the possibilities for what's next are wide open.